The Silliest Laws in America
by nicetwin123
Summary: It's really not that surprising to learn that American states can have some pretty weird laws. But some of those laws can be so weird that it makes you ask how the laws were passed in the first place. Follow America as he breaks 50 of the strangest laws in his states.
1. Nebraska

When it was Americas turn to host one of the world meetings, he had decided to hold it in Lincoln, Nebraska. Of course, he chose this location because he wanted to play a joke on the other nations. Of course, he got Prussia and Denmark in on the joke beforehand, so they all were doing it as a group. Before the meeting started, America made sure that everyone else except himself, Prussia, and Denmark were in the meeting room. Then, he handed out harpoons to each of them and they all walked into the meeting room.

"Good grief, what are you doing now?" England asked with an alarmed look as he spotted the three men walking into the room.

"We, my good sir, are going whale fishing!" America said as he pointed the harpoon towards England.

"Get that bloody thing out of my face!" England snapped.

"Oops, sorry." America said as he pointed the harpoon away from England.

"Why on earth are you going whale fishing? Germany asked Prussia with a frown.

"For the challenge of finding a whale in the middle of Nebraska of course!" Prussia said proudly.

As Prussia said this, some of the other countries started to look annoyed.

"Why on earth would you try to hurt such nice creatures?" Hungary asked angrily. "What did they ever do to you?"

"Nothing!" Denmark said. "And yet, here we are, hunting whales in Nebraska."

"How mean!" Spain said with a sad look.

By this point, some of the other nations had caught on to what was going on. Canada was chuckling in his seat and Russia was rolling his eyes.

"Aren't there laws against doing such things?" France asked. "Why should you be allowed to hurt such creatures of beauty?"

"Oh, it's totally illegal to hunt whales in Nebraska." America said with a casual shrug. As he said this, the other nations went silent in shock. America, although he was a goof ball, never blatantly broke the law.

"Oh god, he's hit a second rebellious stage." England groaned. "I'm not going to be responsible for this one."

"Yeah, I know right?" Denmark said as he tried to hold back his laughter. "It's awful how people hunt whales _in Nebraska."_

"Oh, don't worry, there aren't any whales nearby." Prussia said. "It's not like we're near the ocean or anything."

As Prussia said this, all of the nations suddenly realized what was going on.

"Oh, Nebraska is a land locked state." China said with a sudden look of understanding.

Denmark started roaring in laughter, and slowly sank to the floor as his legs were too weak to support him. Prussia merely stated, "Nah duh dummkopf."

"Ah yes, it's one of the strangest laws that my citizens came up with." America said with a smile. "Even I don't get them sometimes."

 **A/N: Hello and welcome to my new story, The Silliest laws in America. Inspired by my other story, The Strange Things about America. In Nebraska, it is illegal to go whale fishing. But that's kind of weird seeing as the state is nowhere near the ocean. And by nowhere near the ocean I mean RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE UNITED STATES!**


	2. West Virginia

During one of his days off, America had invited Italy, Romano, and Germany over to his house in West Virginia. For a while America showed them around the capital of the state, but after a while they started to get lost.

"Hmm, I think I was reading the map upside down." Italy said cheerfully.

"What do you mean you were reading the map upside down?" Romano asked angrily. "Do you mean to tell me that we've been walking around for two fucking hours for no reason?"

"Dude, keep it down." America said with a nervous look. "There's a cop over there."

"So what?" Germany asked.

"Well you see, for each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar." America said.

"What, that's so stupid." Romano said. "Who was the fucking genius who came up with that?"

As he asked this, the cop came up to them and handed Romano a ticket.

"What the hell is this shit?" Romano asked as he read the ticket.

"A ticket for swearing in public." The cop said as he filled out another ticket. "And here's another for swearing just now."

"FUUUUCKKK! FUCK THIS , FUCK THAT, FUCK THIS LAW, AND FUCK YOU!" Romano yelled as he was handed tickets for every cuss word.

"America, perhaps you should warn us about your laws before we come over next time." Germany said as he watched Romano start to get buried under tickets.

"At this rate, that police man is going to run out of tickets." Italy said.

"Yeah, maybe we should go to New York next time." America said with a chuckle. "Cussing there is the normal way of life."

"THIS IS HORSE MALARKEY!" Romano shouted as he marched away with a stack of tickets in his hands.

 **A/N: Ok, ok, I know that the police in West Virginia aren't really going to give people tickets for cussing in public. I just thought it would be really funny if Romano had to deal with that law. Anyways, the official law states "If any person arrived at the age of discretion profanely curse or swear or get drunk in public, he shall be fined by a justice one dollar for each offense." Does this really happen? I must know. And yes, I know that the term Horse Malarkey is an Irish Phrase, but gosh darn it it's my story so I can do whatever I want.**


	3. South Carolina

Poland hummed next to Lithuania, who was looking at the house numbers on the mailbox numbers next to him as they drove down the road. America had just bought a summer home in South Carolina. America was having trouble deciding on what the inside was going to look like, so he asked Poland to help him. Lithuania was interested as well, so he tagged along. They were having trouble because all of the homes where very spread out, as they were ranch houses.

"Like, why does America have to have so many homes?" Poland asked as he looked around at the houses around him.

"I think he told me once he wanted to have homes in each of his fifty states." Lithuania said as he looked down at the address in his hands.

"Well, that makes sense in a way. Like, you know how far away all of his states are from each other. It's not like he can just hope over to California to New York in a minute." Poland pondered. Just then, he spotted the mailbox with the address on it.

"Finally, this is the place!" Lithuania sighed in relief as he turned into the driveway. About a minute later, they finally saw the Ranch. From what they could see, they saw a single car in the driveway and a lone figure on the porch. Looking up, the figure stood up and waved at them.

"That must be America." Poland said as they stopped. Getting out, they walked over to America, who looked tired, but happy.

"How are you doing Mr. America?" Lithuania asked as he smiled at America.

"Dude, how often do I have to ask you to just call me America?" America asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry, I'm just used to calling you that." Lithuania said with a shrug.

"Who cares?" Poland asked as he looked towards the house. "I already see a problem with outside of the house."

"Huh?" America asked as he looked back the house. "What's wrong with it?"

"First of all, the outside of the house is white, with green as a secondary color." Poland said as he eyed the house with an expert eye. "However, the brick staircase throws the whole balance of the colors out of order. If you want to fix that, I suggest you find a way to paint them or maybe think about a wood staircase instead and put up with wood."

"Uh, before we get any further, how about I make you guys a cup of coffee." America asked with a yawn. "I woke up, like, an hour ago and I need my kick."

"It's 11:00 o'clock in the morning." Poland said in surprise. "You're too young to sleep in. You should be able to get up earlier."

"You sound like England." America laughed as they walked into the house. "You'll have to forgive me for the mess. I'm still installing the plumbing and some of the bathroom is still in the yard. Not to mention one of the horses are giving me trouble. That's actually why I asked you to come over France, Poland. I thought sense you were so good with ponies and horses you would be able to help me. Plus, France talks to much."

"No problem, where is the big guy?" Poland asked as America pulled out some coffee cups.

"Oh, she's probably in the bathtub outside." America said nonchalantly as he turned on the coffee machine.

"What?" Lithuania asked in surprise.

"Yeah, the bathtub." America said with a sigh. "I swear, that horse was born to cause me trouble. Did you know it's illegal to keep a horse in a bathtub in this state?"

"That's rather odd law." Poland said as he started laughing. "I don't think I've ever heard a horse ever doing that."

"Why would you have such a law?" Lithuania asked.

"I don't know, but my best guess would be so you don't hurt the animal or abuse it." America said as he handed them the coffee.

"That makes sense." Poland nodded. "So, what's the horses name?"

"Trouble." America said with a smirk. "I'm sure you can guess why I called her that."

"Well, I guess we could find her. How old is she?" Poland asked

"He's only four months old." America said.

"Aww, so he's only a baby." Lithuania said as they walked outside and into the yard. There, they saw some of the larger appliances, and in the bathtub, there was a baby horse, looking quite happy.

"Trouble, how many times to I have to tell you to stay out of the tub?" America sighed as he crouched down in front of the baby horse. "I know you like it in there, but you heard what your old owner said. You're not allowed. You could get me in trouble for this."

The horse only gave her owner an unamused look and then looked away. Sighing, America looked over to Poland.

"See? The little devil won't listen to me." America huffed.

"Why don't you just pick her up?" Lithuania asked. "You're strong enough."

"If I try to pick her up, she cries out for her mother." America said with a wince. "Her momma is a rather overprotective one, so if she hears her baby cry out, she comes running over here to give me a good kick in the face. I'm strong, but I'm not indestructible."

"Alright, move out of the way." Poland said as he walked up to the baby horse. Crouching down in front of the baby horse, he started to pet he between the eyes.

"Hello trouble, you're a cutie." Poland cooed as he pulled some sugar cubes out of his pocket. "Do you want some sugar cubes?"

Trouble, taking interest in the sugar cubes, tried to reach out for them, only for Poland to pull them back.

"Only when you get out of the tub." Poland said happily.

For a moment, Trouble gave Poland a suspicious look, then slowly got out of the tub and shook herself. Then she bumped her head against Poland impatiently.

"Good girl." Poland said happily as he fed Trouble the sugar cubes. "See America, it's not that hard. If your horses are being stubborn, just give them something to bribe them."

"But I did try that." America grumbled. "It's not like this is the first time I've owned a horse. Trouble is just that, trouble."

"Well, when she's old enough maybe I could have her?" Poland asked as the baby horse continued to lick his hand.

"Sure." America said with a laugh. "But only if you make sure to keep her away from the bathtub."

 ** _A/N:_** **Well, it has been awhile sense I worked on this story, but I had to put it on hold for a while. Exams, school, and working on my main story. But I'm not going to abandon this story. So don't worry. In South Carolina, it is illegal, and I quote, "Horses may not be kept in bathtubs." So, yeah, I think that's weird.**


	4. New York

"America, do you wish to go to lunch with me?" France asked America as they walked out of one of their meetings for lunch.

"Sure, but what about Canada?" America asked as he looked around for his twin. "Doesn't he want to come?"

"No, I think he said something about getting coffee with Cuba or something along those lines." France said with a shrug.

"What about England?" America asked with a smirk as they got into the elevator.

"He is in one of his moods, so I thought not to bother him." France said rolling his eyes.

"Ok, what did you do to get on his nerves this time?" America asked as they started to descend.

"I'm not the one at fault this time." France said. "I believe it to be the jet lag."

"It's not my fault that so many meetings take place in New York." America said as the elevator opened.

"Yes, yes." France said with a wave of his hand as they walked out into the street. "If I had it my way we would always have our meetings in Paris."

"Of course you would." America said with a laugh.

"Oh mon, what is this?" France said with a start as a young lady dropped her purse in front of them, scattering the contents of her purse.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The lady said as she started to pick up her bag.

"Let me help you." France said smoothly as he helped her pick up the contents of her purse before they were stepped on.

"How nice of you." The lady said. As she looked up, she blinked in surprise to see the handsome man in front of her. Blushing, she looked away embarrassed

"My name is Sarah. Thank you Mr…?

"Francis Bonnefoy." France said with a wink. "You look very nice today."

"Well Mr. Bonnefoy, it was nice meeting you. Maybe we could get together so I could thank you."

"Oui, that would be nice." France said with a grin.

Pulling out a sticky note and pencil, Sarah wrote down her phone number and gave it to France with a giggle, and then walked off giving a wink back to France.

"Dude, stop hitting on my citizens." America said pretending to gag. "It's gross."

"Just because you are too young to understand how to flirt with someone doesn't mean I can't." France said as he wiggled his eyebrows at the younger nation.

"Rude." America huffed.

"Ah, so you admit you were flirting." A police officer said with a smirk as he walked up to France.

"And what's wrong with that?" France asked in confusion.

"Well, I'm sorry to say Mr. Bonnefoy, but here in New York, it is illegal to flirt in public. That will be a $25-dollar fee." The officer happily said as he wrote France a ticket, and handed it to a speechless France. "Have a good day. Any complaints you have may be given to the address on the ticket." And with that, the officer walked off.

"Que se passe-t-il?" France asked dumbly as he stared at the ticket in front of him. "America, is this a new law?"

"I don't think so?" America pondered. "I know it's a true law, but I can't remember why it was put in place."

"Why haven't I got a ticket before now?" France asked with an angry huff as he shoved the ticket in one of his pockets.

"Probably just didn't get caught." America smirked as they continued down the street. "Just consider lunch on me to make it up to you."

"Fine, but don't tell England." France muttered.

"Don't tell me what?" England asked as he walked up from behind them.

 ** _A/N:_** **In New York, it is illegal to flirt in public. I'm dead serious. Look it up if you don't believe me. It says, and I quote, "A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting." France was the only one I could use for this one.**


	5. Nevada

America hummed as he got ready to go to the park with Libby, his new puppy. He was in Carson City, Nevada for the weekend and he and Germany where meeting up to let their dogs play. Hero, America's cat, casually watched his owner get ready from the top of the mirror cabinet, batting at America's hair every now and then. Libby was by America's feet, chewing on a bone.

"Hero, stop." America huffed as he rubbed hero behind the ears. Hero purred, and stopped.

"Libby, it's time to go!" America said happily as he picked up the leash from the bed.

Hearing the leash, Libby rushed over to America and started to jump on America in excitement.  
"Ok, ok, calm down." America chuckled as he put the dogs leash on. Walking outside with Libby, America opened the car door and let Libby into the car, and got in and drove down onto the highway. For a while, nothing out of the ordinary happened, until his cell phone started to buzz. Picking up his phone, America answered it.

"America? It's Germany." Germany said before America could say anything. "You know how everyone is here for the world meeting tomorrow?"

"Yes?" America said in confusion.

"Well, Greece and Turkey got into another argument and now they're riding camels down the highway." Germany sighed.

"What?" America asked in shock. "Why?"

"I think they were arguing about who was the better camel rider or something." Germany said. "The cops pulled them up a while ago and I was just driving by so I stopped to help settle the argument. Do you think you can help out as they're not listening to me and the cops are starting to get annoyed?"

"Yeah, where are you?" America sighed. A few minutes later, America pulled up behind Germany's car, and looked at the scene in front of him. Greece and Turkey where on top of camels, and Germany was arguing with both of them, while the cops where next to them waiting for the two countries to get off the camels.

"I'll be right back Libby." America sighed as he pet his buddy, then he stepped out and walked over to the arguing countries. "Guys, are you two drunk? What the hell are you doing driving CAMELS down the highway?"

"We are not drunk, America!" Greece huffed. "We were simply racing camels."

"Yeah, I was showing this guy who was boss!" Turkey said angrily.

"See, they won't listen!" Germany sighed.

"Where the hell did you even get those camels?" America asked as looked up at them.

"Egypt." Greece said.

"Ok, you guys can't rid a camel down the highway in Nevada. It's against the law." America sighed. "It goes against the minimum miles per hour law. Please get off the camels."

"What, I didn't know it was illegal!" Turkey said in surprise.

"Sorry America, we didn't know!" Greece said as he hopped off the camel.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT WAS ILLEGAL?" One of the cops asked in disbelief.

"Never really thought about it." Turkey said with a shrug.

"Both of you are going to get tickets for going below the legal minimum miles per hour, and for holding up traffic, and…" Another cop said angrily as he started to hand both Greece and Turkey tickets.

"I think they can handle it from here." America said to Germany, who nodded. "So, are we still heading to the park?"

"Of course, Bella is still waiting for me in my car." Germany said with a nod towards the German shepherd in his car.

"Awesome, then let's go!" America said with a grin.

 ** _A/N:_** **There seems to be an odd number of Camel laws in America. In Nevada, it is illegal to ride a Camel down the highway.**


	6. New Jersey

Prussia sighed as he walked down the street. Of all the places to meet, why, oh why did it have to be New Jersey? Prussia hated New Jersey. Why you might ask? Because he always got lost. For some reason, he never had any trouble getting around anywhere else in the world, but the moment he stepped foot into New Jersey, all sense of direction went out the window. America blamed in on the aliens, but knowing America, it was probably a joke. Probably. Sighing again, Prussia looked around. To his confusion, he had ended up in a park of some sort.

"If this keeps up, I'm going to end up like Austria." Prussia shuddered. Pulling out his phone, and was just typing in the address of the building he was going to when he heard someone calling his name.

"Prussia, psst, Prussia." He heard a voice hiss from above him. Jumping in surprise, he looked up and saw France and Poland above him in a tree. But to his greater surprise, they were both wearing dresses. France was wearing a bright red Hollywood dress, while Poland was wearing a purple mermaid styled dress.

"What the hell are you two doing up there?" Prussia asked, his mouth hanging open. "And why the hell are you in dresses?"

"Oh, it's a long story." Poland said, waving his hand lazily. "But to sum it up, France, Spain, and I had a bet to see who could rock a dress better."

"Why am I not surprised." Prussia chuckled. "Who won?"

"Spain." France grumbled. With a huff, he threw his hair behind his shoulder. "But only because he fooled the cops."

"Well, you do have a beard. You couldn't be a female." Poland pointed out.

"What the hell are you talking about? Cops?" Prussia asked. "What did you do this time?"

"We were walking down the street, when like, these two police men stopped us for being indecent." Poland sniffed. "Like, how rude! It's not like we were naked or anything."

"With France, that wouldn't be surprising." Prussia cackled. "But why did the cops get on you for just that?"

"Turns out in Haddon it's illegal to cross dress." France said with a sad sigh. "I don't understand why I must hide my beautiful figure. That should be the real crime here."

"So, where's Spain?" Prussia asked, looking around him.

"Probably looking for America." Poland said. "For some reason, my guess was those cops were totally blind, they thought Spain was the only one who was female, and let him off."

"Damn, was he that good looking?" Prussia asked with a whistle.

"Apparently." France sniffed.

Just then, they heard the sirens of a police car coming towards them.

"Shit, they found us!" France cursed, trying to climb down from the tree without ripping his dress.

"Like, I am not climbing down this tree in this dress." Poland said, raising his hands in surrender. "I spent way too much money on it."

"FREEZE!" A cop yelled, running down the park path towards them.

"Run!" France yelled, run as fast as he could in his high heels.

"Tackle him!" The cops yelled as they ran past Prussia, who by this point, had walked over to a park bench to watch the show.

"Vive la France!" France yelled as he threw his shoes at the cops.

"Aw man." Prussia said happily as he started to record the scene in front of him. "America's going to love this." Then after a moment, he laughed. "Screw it, New Jersey isn't that bad."

 ** _MEANWHILE._**

America sighed as he filled out the paper work on his desk. God he hated paper work. What he wouldn't give to just set fire to his desk. Just as he was about to start screaming from boredom, he heard a knock at the door.

"It's open." America said, looking up eagerly. To his shock, Spain entered in a yellow dress. America hated to admit it, but damn, Spain didn't look half bad. Coughing into his hand to hide his laughter, he nodded towards Spain.

"So, are you coming out, or is there something else going on, because I'm afraid I don't swing that way buddy." He chuckled.

Spain rolled his eyes, and pulled out his phone. "Oh, very funny. No, France, Poland and I were in the middle of a bet on who looked the best in a dress-"

"Why am I not surprised?" America sighed.

"-and the cops stopped us for being indecent. Well, they stopped France and Poland. Apparently with the hair extensions and my amazing make up skills I was able to pass off as a woman."

"So, let me guess." America said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You need me to bust them out of jail, right?"

"Bingo." Spain said, walking over to America and slapping him on the back. "Here, Prussia just sent me the video of them being arrested." Pressing the play button, America watched as France threw his shoes at the cops, and Poland refused to get out of a tree because he didn't want to ruin his dress. To his amusement, and exasperation, they were both tasered and hand cuffed.

"Why is it always when you come over to my place you guys do weird crap like this?" America sighed as he grabbed his coat.

"Because it's fun!" Spain laughed.

 _ **A/N:**_ **In Haddon, New Jersey, "It shall be unlawful for any person to appear in any street or public place in a state of nudity or in a dress not belonging to his sex or in an indecent or lewd dress, or to make any indecent exposure of his person or be guilty of any lewd or indecent act or behavior, or to exhibit, sell or offer to sell any indecent or lewd book, picture or thing, or to exhibit or perform any indecent, immoral or other representation."**


End file.
